My mother called me ..
“she is no more”.
Her deep voice reflecting her sorrow on losing her mother. Her trembling tone reflecting concern for her childs feelings.
She had the same quality as her mother, soft and suggestive. I said “ok” and cut the call.
My thoughts rushed back in time. More momories i replay, heavier my heart gets. Still, i have to accept that everyone is going to face death one day.
My physical absense in their life makes me feel guilty. In school days we visited them was once a year. In college, it changed to once in 2years. Now while i work its once a week phone call.
They were the first friends i had, on their lap, i cried, passed urine, heard stories, gossips.
I feel like i have been a selfish person. There were always on my side protecting me from my parents when i made mistakes. Explaining where i was wrong.
Things slowly changed with me growing up and getting busy.
As i aged and gained freedom, i didn’t realise they were losing theirs. Friends and collegues took up their space. Even after 25 years, they never asked me anything. Always giving me a part of their savings. All they needed was a gentle touch.
Now when i look back at every stage of my life, i see my family sacrifice some part of their life. I have always been asked what i wanted to do, but i haven’t even asked them what they love doing.
Even in the age of technology, where most of the meetings are virtual, A hug from a family member will never be substituted by a like on Facebook.
My life today consists of 10-15 close family members. As i transition into a senior, my parents, grandparents are becoming elders. The loop of samsara keeps going on.
I wonder if ill ever be able to love someone, as i have been loved by my family. As love ages and people get comfortable, they take each other for granted. If it’s love between friends or a couple, they may break up. But your family is never going to breakup with you.
I don’t know, what happens after death, or what makes a family bond so strong. But i thank God(if he exists) for a beautiful family.